when it comes right down to it

hesitate.

that’s all it takes

for me

to think that you’re afraid;

unable to articulate

what it is that holds you back,

unwilling to admit, perhaps, that

timing

is a bitch and

now

is simply not the moment-

for no good reason other than

this

is not sustainable and I

am not retainable

on such a fucking meager

ration of your

love.

2013-02-16 10.35.28

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[no title]

magic lurks
in the space between fragility
and resiliency. A living
being, an uncertain
future, exhaustion, the refusal
to quit. One breath, one phone call
one bite at a time-
a constant tension
impossible to ignore
the strike
of the clock that stands
by the door
impossible to ignore,
impossible to ignore.
the strength of her hands
once inconsequential
impossible to ignore impossible
to ignore impossible to
ignore

unbearable

There were words spoken
out of turn
and a sharp twist of truth sprang out
ugly, unwanted, embarrassing- the very thing
that was supposed to be disguised
appeared boldly and she-
left voiceless and without
the opportunity to shift
her weight in preparation
for attack- tripped backwards, slipped
behind her words and left
without us noticing, while her body remained
at the table, quietly listening
to nothing at all, her eyes
carving alibis
into each breath

Frog Noses

Mommy holds
my hand
very tight
asks something about a ‘prognosis’
makes me think of frog noses
I giggle, she squeezes, brows
furrowed. I bite my lip.

Later, licking swirly soft serve in a race
against the hot hot heat, she stares
over my shoulder
fist tucked
under her chin, her spoon
forgotten halfway to her mouth.

I want to tell her
she’s dripping on the table-
she hates when things are messy-
but I keep quiet, scared
of her sighs, of the silence
and of her empty eyes.

How to prepare for the Future:

Collect the pebbles of guilt
of resentment
of fear and loss and toss
them over your shoulder
let them scatter
behind you

exhale
consider the inevitability of failure
inhale
pull the warmth of motivation tight across your torso
take a step

sink trust into your bones
infuse your blood with devotion, introduce
humility to the echoes
of voices that vibrate softly at your core until
your own words rise
above the hum
ready to attempt, to risk, to ask and to insist.

 

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